6 Movie To Not Watch On Valentine’s Day

  • Michael Shannon

    Is it a day of love for lovers only?

    The 14th of February, also known as Valentine’s Day, is the day when you go out with your better half, preferably at a fancy restaurant, when both of you come back at home where there is a bottle of red wine, plenty of candles and (why not?) a very enticing massage gel, and…

    Of course, this is ideal for each and every one of us, and not just on a single day of the year.

    But since this is Valentine’s Day, why would you want to spend it in front of the TV watching a romantic comedy which in any other day of the year would be considered to cheesy to watch? Why risk picking up a movie which would be better suited for watching alone?

    Here are our picks for the worst movie choices for Valentine’s Day.

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    1. 500 Days of Summer

    500 Days of Summer

    Advertised as a romantic comedy, this is so far away from being one that at the end of it the only reaction you’ll get from your beloved one will be a very uncomfortable silence.

    “This is a story of boy meets girl. But you should know in advance, this is not a love story,” begins Joseph Gordon-Levitt to narrate how he tried and he tried but ultimately failed to get the girl. Of course, it may be considered a movie about false expectations, but why in the world did she give him any hopes? And, for that matter, why did he continue cringing onto her as if she was his last breath of air?

    This is definitely a comedy which would be better tasted in any other night. But then again, maybe the two of you should watch it… Who knows what things need to be clarified?

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    2. Closer

    Closer

    Believe us that after this movie there will be no closeness in your room. The movie is all about the cynicism and relativity of today’s relationships, which are filled with infidelities, broken promises, and shattered souls.

    What could be asked more from a serious movie in which the most naïve and sensitive character is a stripper and in which the most sincere is an unmannered dentist?

    Listen carefully if you want to spend your evening in front of the TV is this special night: don’t chose Closer because it will get your date very far away from you – unless both of you are in the mood of debating over the benefits of monogamy and over the overestimation of the regular relationships.

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    3. Blue Valentine

    Blue Valentine

    A movie with Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams which has the word Valentine in its title isn’t a movie for the Valentine’s Day?

    Yes, that is right: while the movie starts with the two of them happy, everything goes down the drain once she becomes pregnant (so be careful always, ok?) While in the beginning he is supportive and they both live as happy as ever, they end up being just shadows of their former selves, with their only link being a baby.

    What else should be said? That it is very painful to see two people that loved each other slowly becoming alienated? That it is actually very traumatizing to see how most marriages fail and collapse in routine, indifference and sheer ugliness?

    Blue Valentine is not the movie for the two of you – there is, however, something to learn from it: always keep it safe!

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    4. Last Tango in Paris

    Last Tango in Paris

    If you didn’t hear about this movie and it sounds like a good idea for a Valentine’s Day film then you, my friend, have lived under a rock.

    There is no subtle dance in here, and Paris is one of the ugliest cities in the world. Do you want some butter?

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    5. American Beauty

    American Beauty

    Like all the titles from this list, this is probably one of the most deceitful – the beauty of it all, including love, is only on the outside.

    The movie is a very good one. However, it is only for any other day of the year, because underneath all this beauty lays the rotten soul of the entire society. And we are that society – everything we do is in order to fit, in order to be accepted. We become “beautiful” for all the others but remain ugly in our own eyes.

    Also, like all the other movies from this list, there are plenty of philosophical and psychological questions which could be asked after viewing American Beauty. So, if you want to spend your Valentine’s Night debating over the influence of the society over an individual, then go ahead and see it.

    If you have something else in mind, just think about Blue Valentine.

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    6. Revolutionary Road

    Revolutionary Road

    Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet give the ultimate f. you to love in Revolutionary Road. Did you think that Titanic was a good movie? Well, it wasn’t: Revolutionary Road is the film in which these two great actors really show what they are made from.

    This movie is about failure on the levels which really mean something for you, as a person, as a human being. The social circumstances are again the ones which lead to a very tragic ending of a love story.

    Come to think about it, love didn’t exist from the beginning. It was something else, it was youthfulness and that is all.

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    So, if you didn’t understand it until now, the Valentine’s Day is not made for sitting in front of the TV watching a movie. This day, like all the others, is made for living, is made for you to enjoy it to the most.

    So do it.

    Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind